The Service Mindset

Etiquette’s Relevance for Modern Kinksters

We approach the one hundred year anniversary of the publication of the seminal etiquette book, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home by Emily Post. I know that many people, kinky and vanilla alike, have decided that etiquette isn’t relevant to them in their everyday lives. Maybe they google how to sign …

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Thriving When You Don’t Have Someone to Serve

Someone in a Discord community that I moderate asked for advice about maintaining life structure after the relationships supporting it ends. This is a topic of interest for me, and I’d like to share my thoughts. I am someone who is only fully functional when I have a D-type in my life. There’s a lot …

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The Monk & the Soldier: Understanding the Relationship between Service and Sacrifice

I was recently asked to explain my interest in orgasm control. You may be wondering how this relates to service, but you’ll find that my reasons for enjoying service and orgasm control are quite similar. As I’ve recently been in contact with a few vanilla people who don’t understand my desire to serve at all, …

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A Fair Exchange: What a Servant Might Ask for in Return

A Domme recently contacted asking for advice on how to find a local service submissive. She mentioned that she was looking for someone who would be satisfied with just the opportunity to serve, asking for nothing else in return. I’ve had conversations like this with many people and I think this points to a common …

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You Are Not the Hero: Kinky Butler Philosophy

Luke Skywalker. Harry Potter. Katniss Everdeen. Before the ubiquity of television, perhaps I would mention Odysseus or Sherlock Holmes. We can all think of heroes that we admire. And who doesn’t want to be the next Harry Potter of their world? Most likely, you’ve been the center of your own narrative for all of your …

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