Service-Focused Relationships

Thriving When You Don’t Have Someone to Serve

Someone in a Discord community that I moderate asked for advice about maintaining life structure after the relationships supporting it ends. This is a topic of interest for me, and I’d like to share my thoughts. I am someone who is only fully functional when I have a D-type in my life. There’s a lot …

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The Monk & the Soldier: Understanding the Relationship between Service and Sacrifice

I was recently asked to explain my interest in orgasm control. You may be wondering how this relates to service, but you’ll find that my reasons for enjoying service and orgasm control are quite similar. As I’ve recently been in contact with a few vanilla people who don’t understand my desire to serve at all, …

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A Fair Exchange: What a Servant Might Ask for in Return

A Domme recently contacted asking for advice on how to find a local service submissive. She mentioned that she was looking for someone who would be satisfied with just the opportunity to serve, asking for nothing else in return. I’ve had conversations like this with many people and I think this points to a common …

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Considering the Teamwork Model for Service-Focused Relationships

For me, the paradigm that resonates for service-focused power dynamics is a team working together to achieve a common goal. The power differential in the team can be negotiated, but the main cohesion is the sharing of values and a long-term vision. In my opinion, this paradigm works well for the service-focused relationships inspired by …

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Service for the Other Love Languages

Gary Chapman formed the concept of love languages in his experience as a marital counselor. While it hasn’t been proven scientifically, many people find it helpful to frame the ways that they express affection. While Chapman seems to be focused on heterosexual and vanilla marriages, many kinksters resonate with the love languages and use them …

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Distinguishing Kinky Butlers

There are two parts to this essay: the first one addresses one of the most important differences between kinky butlers and professional butlers, and the second one explains how that distinction influences the dynamics of service-focused relationships, especially regarding consent. Distinctions Between Kinky Butlers And Professional Butlers One of the main distinctions between kinky butlers …

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Serving the Rockstar Dominant

In the world of kink, according to Real Service by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny, there are two main types of dominants: The parent and the rockstar / celebrity. I’ve found this polar scale helpful when explaining my preferences to potential power exchange partners, as it provides a baseline understanding of options. The parental dominant …

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