Luke Skywalker. Harry Potter. Katniss Everdeen. Before the ubiquity of television, perhaps I would mention Odysseus or Sherlock Holmes. We can all think of heroes that we admire. And who doesn’t want to be the next Harry Potter of their world? Most likely, you’ve been the center of your own narrative for all of your life. Whether you’ve been consistently successful or you’re currently on a downswing, your mind frames you as the hero of the story. However, as a kinky butler or another servant, it may benefit you to frame the story differently.
If you can recall the hero’s journey, I encourage you to do so. If you’re unfamiliar with the idea, you can find a simple summary here.
Why is this relevant? Humans are meaning-making machines, and while you might not actively consider your most recent apotheosis every evening, you and those you serve certainly frame phases your life as a story with a call to action, conflict, and resolution, though not with those exact terms. By consciously shaping the way you perceive yourself and your place in the world, you may serve with more joy and authentic surrender in your heart.
Consider this: The protagonist, the hero, drives the narrative forward. The hero, while supported by others, commits all of the vital action of the story. Our limited perspective has shaped our perceptions, and we most likely view ourselves as the hero. However, when we aim to serve and transfer our authority to the will of another, we must give up the place of the hero in the story.
Perhaps you are the guide, a person experienced in the skills that the hero doesn’t necessarily have or need to have. Fictional butlers such as Iron Man’s Jarvis or Batman’s Alfred often fulfill the guide or mentor role. Or, if you are a companion to your principal, you made be a helper, known in the comic book genre as a sidekick. You may have similar skills and public-facing prominence as the hero, yet with more support-oriented duties. Where would Harry be without Hermione or Katniss without Peeta? These are just a few of the supporting roles a hero may need in their life. All of the greater meaning in our lives is a narrative, so feel free to borrow from any genre to find something that resonates with you and your principal.
Not every dynamic will ask you to step away from the hero role. However, I imagine this has a great deal of appeal for those that find the butler archetype attractive. I have personally struggled with shifting my mind away from the role of a hero. It is also a struggle to live without a dynamic when you accept that your life serves a greater purpose that you haven’t found yet. I’ve found it helpful to know that the more I improve my skills and demeanor, the more I will have to offer my hero when I meet them.
If this strikes a chord with you, please comment below. If it’s very different from the way you see yourself, I would love to hear about that as well. Thank you.
The founder of The Kinky Butler is slave chase tramel. From primary school onward, he had fantasies of serving as a butler for his schoolyard crushes. Later, when he had the pleasure to serve as a butler at a kinky formal dinner, he realized that butling could be more than a fantasy. As he gathered resources from professional butlers and service-oriented kinksters alike, he realized that he may not be alone in his search. Thus, he created The Kinky Butler to help kinksters bring an air of luxury to their everyday service.