I was recently asked to explain my interest in orgasm control. You may be wondering how this relates to service, but you’ll find that my reasons for enjoying service and orgasm control are quite similar. As I’ve recently been in contact with a few vanilla people who don’t understand my desire to serve at all, I hope to explain it with something that has stuck with me for a long time. Hopefully, this series of metaphors will resonate with some people, kinksters and vanillas alike.
As I have said before in private writings, I often think that, in another life, I might have joined a monastic order or military force. The motivations between them are very apparent to me; Both provide service in order to receive structure and higher purpose in exchange. The monastic life and the life of the soldier focus on serving a human organization in the name of higher ideals; The monk serves the Abbey in the name of God, while the soldier serves the military in the name of patriotism. In exchange for these services, the organizations care for them and provide structure that serves both practical and purposeful elements. However, this service is also facilitated by sacrifice.
For example, Catholic monks take vows of celibacy, obedience, stability, and poverty. Other monastic orders take temporary vows, such as a period of fasting or silence. Many orders include these vows to create a life of simplicity of their monks so they can concentrate on their service. In return, the monk has the fulfillment knowing that he serves his community and God.
Similarly, soldiers have a lack of agency about the ways they serve and live. This rigid structure, while often restrictive, can provide a sense of predictability and aspirations for upward mobility. Much like the vows monks take, soldiers often go through difficult ordeals such as basic training or even serving overseas. This exists for many purposes, but the aspect that relates here is that the ordeal can focus the mind, creating that connection to the higher purpose.
In conclusion, I will reiterate that how I understand service-focused relationships is the exchange of service for structure and purpose. This includes making sacrifices and going through ordeals. This ultimately is how I relate much of orgasm control and S&M play. In the case of orgasm control, I am taking a vow to surrender one aspect of myself. With S&M, I’m working through and surviving an ordeal to refine my devotion and grow personally.
While most manifestations of this framework in my life have been vows relating to sexual agency, I would be happy to make a vow to a Principal giving up something nonsexual such as eating meat, for example, and it would have the same intense impact on me. However, many Principals see the appeal of controlling one’s sexuality, as it can give them deep control over an intimate bodily function.
Does the metaphor of the monk and the soldier resonate with you? What framework do you use to understand your service-focused relationships? Please leave your thoughts in the comments section below!
The founder of The Kinky Butler is slave chase tramel. From primary school onward, he had fantasies of serving as a butler for his schoolyard crushes. Later, when he had the pleasure to serve as a butler at a kinky formal dinner, he realized that butling could be more than a fantasy. As he gathered resources from professional butlers and service-oriented kinksters alike, he realized that he may not be alone in his search. Thus, he created The Kinky Butler to help kinksters bring an air of luxury to their everyday service.